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Derailed

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“Does Mr. Coupe ever do any of the yard work?”

The neighborhood boys were sitting, patiently watching me dismantle an old basketball net that had fallen in the street so many times, the rim was ruined.  The boys seemed to have a lot of questions and were laughably, very honest.

I laughed in my head at the question. “No, Mr. Coupe has this uncanny ability to avoid all things involving labor,” is what I wanted to say, but I went with another truth:

“Mr. Coupe has allergies, so I decide to do the yard work, so he doesn’t have to.”

The boys nodded in acceptance, and the conversation and dismantling continued.

Lately, when I am not driving children all over the county or sitting poolside watching social interactions, I have taken to outside chores.  I finally got an old rotted tree stump out of the back.  Removed all traces of weeds, and toys that fell through the cracks, from the gardens.  Trimmed all the bushes.  Edged all the gardens.  Fertilized the yard.  Restained the deck stairs.  Cleared out a clogged downspout.  Gone crazy with a fly swatter attacking all the spotted lanternflies that have infested our area and hang out on my deck. 

Spotted Lanternfly carnage

I am a woman of action.

There is only one thing still remaining on my list of outdoor chores to complete.  Reseal a leaky window. 

My progress in this area has been derailed because of one pesky nuisance. 

A giant spider that is hanging out below the window.

I was brave enough to trim the bushes around the spider.  Even pluck two large weeds that were setting up shop right below the monster web.

Now granted, from a distance the spider is not so intimidating. 

But really, just a few feet away and you become very aware that you could not even squish this thing with a shoe.  I think a blow torch may need to be required.

I am also thankful that I can see the thing.  I know he has a family.  Probably in the neighboring bushes, or below deck.  Somehow, standing on a ladder beside these bushes, above this spider has turned into the last thing I want to do.  Is the window really THAT leaky? 

Not today, at least. 

Spider 1, Woman of action 0.  I’m okay with that.  The spider looks happy and it is doing its part in catching and consuming spotted lanternflies.  So, okay.  The window can wait. 

Spotted Lanternfly….it’s what’s for dinner

Probably, though, the best chore I completed this summer has been teaching Bobby how to mow the yard.  It’s been a process.  There have been attempts to cut corners (by not cutting the corners of the yard), there have been do-overs.  A couple of teenage temper tantrums.  But dare I say, we are finally in a groove.  One less chore for me!  Hooray!

Declan has taken up attempts to help outside as well.  Every few rounds, he will take up the fly swatter and “bravely” (swat, shriek, jump, swat, observe fly for any remaining life, move on) attack the multitudes of flies spotting our deck.

The spider can have its perch. One day the web won’t be there, and maybe (maybe) I will have forgotten about the spider, and gain the courage to climb a ladder where it once built its home. Until then, Bobby can mow and Declan can shriek, or swat, these dreaded lanternflies!

Just sitting on my window, waiting for the shrieker to come to swat him. Or, just drop down to Mr. Spider over there. Tell him I sent you. A little gift from me to him.

27 thoughts on “Derailed

    1. That’s the plan. If we have heavy rain coming our way I may need to be creative to get some comfort on a ladder above it so we don’t get any water damage, but until then I have no plan to go near it.

  1. We have black widows everywhere outside. I try not to kill spiders, but Older Daughter has serious arachnophobia. I sometimes have to swat with a shoe to assure her an inside spider isn’t lurking and waiting for her.
    Those flies are pretty, but I was reading about them. Another invasive species. Swat ‘Em!! Good for frustration😉 and let the spider be for now… think of Charlotte😉😂💟

    1. The flies are terrible! There are so many of them. They have just taken over PA, it’s bad. We’ve all been trained to be able to decipher what they look like at every age. A baby lanternfly is the only one Declan won’t kill – you know, it’s a baby. Now he’s on board with all of these adults. We are surrounded by trees too. It’s like a nesting ground for them. Yeah, the spider stays. I don’t use the blower near it, I don’t spray my lanternfly spray near it. Just letting it do its thing! The window can just wait!

  2. “No, Mr. Coupe has this uncanny ability to avoid all things involving labor…” 😂😂😂 Love it.

    That spider will definitely help with physical distancing. I don’t even understand how a spider can be that big! Did you ask Declan to try swatting at it?

    I’ve never heard of or seen a lantern fly before. They’re pretty disgusting looking!

    1. Haha! I know! To think the boys even thought to ask that question meant they recognized his absence in certain places. Namely, out doing chores. Made me laugh!
      Declan looked at it, but didn’t get too close. He wasn’t as spooked as I thought he would be though. I was surprised.
      From the internet: “The spotted lanternfly is a planthopper that is indigenous to parts of northern China, Taiwan, and Vietnam, and has spread invasively to Japan and South Korea.” Somehow this fly came to Pennsylvania two years ago and has infested our region. It is terrible! I haven’t found a bug spray that works on them (and I hate spraying where we hang out). So a swattin we go!

  3. Poor Robyn. I wish you got a bit more help with the labour intensive chores. Yes a woman of action but one who could do with a bit more time to yourself. Is it bad to admit that if I was with you in your yard looking at that spider – I would be hiding behind you…..

    1. That made me laugh! 🙂 I completely understand. I did have a little help when I was trimming the bushes, and I kept telling Bobby to get the clippings when they fell. He did until we reached spidertown – he just said, “no” while staring at the spider. I check on the spider every day. Yep, he’s still on his intimidating perch!

  4. With your fear of spiders, I must have had a hand in raising you. When my middle child was 3, she loved to play with bugs. One day I saw her playing with a spider and yelled out, “NO, don’t play with spiders!” Now she is petrified of them. Glad you have the energy to do all that work.

    1. Haha! Yes, I think I was raised in a similar fashion. I was terrified working around this guy as I was sure it had jumping abilities. Then NOT knowing where it was would have sent me straight up to the shower and to burn my clothes. Scary thing!

  5. Maybe you can get the spider to stand in front of the dishwasher or the vacuum cleaner… then, you’d have something there, Robyn…

    1. That would require it to move. I think if I see this thing anywhere except for where he is now I may let out a scream.

  6. I absolutely hate spiders! That particular type, though, is an exception. We always used to call them “Cursive writing spiders” because their web looks like writing. That’s not to say I wouldn’t be doing the crazy spider dance if I found one on me with loud girlish shrieks. You’re a brave woman! 😀

    1. Loud girlish shrieks is the exact sound I wold make if I found that spider near me, on me, or simply in a different place than he is (and has been). I’m still keeping my eye on that guy!

    1. I check that spider every day. At this point just so I can confirm its location. Yep. Still there! I think I will be more concerned, going into spider season NOT knowing where it is if it decides to move!

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