The Second Grade Blues

I’ve had a rough week.

I spent a good portion of my week protecting our bank account with a stun gun, ready to pounce at anyone who tried to take a piece.  The vet, car repairman, kids sports all took hefty swipes from our meager “Tis the season and kids’ birthday’s” leftovers while I watched in horror.

In the in between moments, latent frustration that has been brewing since August boiled its ugly head enveloping my entire attention.  So frustrated was I, that I wrote two posts about it.  When I was finished with each, I realized I couldn’t post either one.  My frustrations?  I have decided to coin them, “The Second Grade Blues.”

When Bobby was in second grade, I learned he had a problem hugging other students.  I, unfortunately, learned about this after the fact, but anyway, the teacher felt the hugging was so out of control she delivered an ultimatum: “Bobby, if you hug one more student it will be considered an automatic red and you will be sent to the principal’s office.”

Standing in line in the classroom preparing to move on with the class schedule, Bobby smiled at a girl and lifted his arms to hug her.  Remembering the ultimatum, he did not hug the girl and put his hands back at his side.  Instead of being praised for choosing the correct behavior, the teacher responded, “You thought about it.  Automatic red.  Go directly to the principal’s office.”

Bobby never made it to the principal’s office.  Instead he fell apart in the classroom, in tears, banging his head on the ground, calling himself names.  Support had to be brought to him so he could pull himself together.  And then he had to have weekly meeting with the guidance counselor for the support he was deemed to need.

When Catelyn entered second grade, she had a different teacher and whole new world of possibilities.  Unfortunately for Catelyn, she continued to make bad impulsive choices, and began weekly meetings with the guidance counselor.  Bad choices, an inability to express how she was feeling or what was happening in words, zero emotional regulation, sensory issues appearing in school with clothes and food – Catelyn easily stood out and became a target for a bully.

Since the teacher left mid-year on maternity leave, I was working with a substitute.  Over time Catelyn was told by a peer she was no longer allowed to play with the other girls at recess, told she had to sit alone at lunch, was called names like “cry baby” in front of her peers, was pushed out of her bus seat onto the ground of the bus – all, with a host of other issues, were responded to the same way: “I’ll make the girls be nice to her.”  Which wasn’t a solution at all.  The damage was done.  Catelyn was depressed and started therapy.

Both Bobby and Catelyn’s second grade years were tough.  Not just for them, but for me.  It still breaks my heart to think about what they had to go through.  So, it should be no surprise that I had felt much trepidation when Declan started second grade.  Would his year be better?  Could he break the chain of “The Second Grade Blues?”

I’ve decided to leave it like this.  I am hopeful things get better.  I’m hopeful communication gets better.  I am hopeful Declan is seen as a student that may need a different approach or assignment – not forced into a lesson that causes him great stress.  I’m hopeful his nights of tears are alleviated, and he feels less pressure for the day ahead.

In about six to eight weeks Declan will turn into Hulk.  He will have HAD IT with school and be ready for a break.  The meltdowns will increase – increased aggression, increased hateful words – with or without school stress.  I am hopeful when we reach Hulk stage all school issues will have been resolved.  And Declan can be the first child to avoid labeling the entire year, “My Second Grade Blues.”