Some Things get Easier

“I guess the biggest thing I can say is, hang in there.  Some things get easier.”

During one of my husband’s guy outings a few years ago, he had discovered one of his new friends had a child in high school, on the autism spectrum.  They sat and talked about the struggles and the joys of their children.

After a few of their outings, the husband wanted to meet me with his wife.  To reach out and provide support.  It was an awesome gesture.

At this point in our autism journey I was frustrated in hearing how others seemed to know how I was feeling.  That I, somehow, was a mirror image of others who traveled a similar path.  When others spoke of their journeys I would smile and nod.  But in my head, I was checking off how many differences there were in our stories.

The couple came to our house, and as we talked, I realized that I wasn’t seeing a ton of differences.  I was seeing similarities.

We talked about it all that night – the lack of sleep, the confusion, the search for services, the meltdowns, autism-proofing the house for safety, windows always locked for safety, alarms on doors.

And one that we talked about for a while – the husband added, “I can’t believe how many of our “friends” just dropped us.  You know what?  Screw them.”

We talked for hours.  It was so nice to connect.  And as they left the wife said to me again, “Things do get easier.  Just trust in that.”  And she followed with, “I know you said you had to take all the curtains down and that he has put holes in all your furniture.  My son did too.  But guess what?  We just went furniture shopping yesterday.  Brand new NICE furniture is going to be delivered to our house this week.  And I can’t wait.  Just trust that some things change.  Some things get easier.”

Some Things Get Easier

I’ve thought about that a lot recently.  It’s true.  Some things have gotten easier.

Declan and Catelyn are not the same children they were 2, 3, 4, 5 years ago.  They’ve been supported.  They’ve learned so much about the world and themselves.  They’ve matured some.

I am not the same person I ever was.  I have also matured.  I was given a new perspective having children with different needs.  And I know where my focus needs to be.

I’ve learned how to support my kids and each of their unique needs.

My expectations have changed.  Not in my kids – I still expect each of them to try their best within their capabilities.  But in day-to-day things.  I don’t expect the same things I used to, or took for granted.  I don’t expect the same thing I see of my peers.  I don’t expect to go out on date nights.  I don’t expect both my husband and I will be able to attend a function or party we have been invited to, sans kids.  Only one of us goes.  I don’t expect to take the family to some exotic destination for summer vacation.  I don’t expect to take my kids to the movies, to a restaurant or a store and be able to complete the event without having to leave early.

And to quote a line from a favorite Paul Simon song of mine, “I don’t expect to sleep through the night” as a little person in this house is unable to.

We have found a way to make things work.  We have found a way to support one another.  The outcome has been less family stress.  More family happiness.  Some things are easier.

This morning Declan returned to his favorite couch to jump and listen to his favorite songs.  He does this every morning.

As I watched him I thought of the conversation we had that night.  The wife was right.  Some things do get easier.

And if that is true, then maybe the other will be true as well.

In 10 years Declan will be the same age as her son on the spectrum.  And I will be buying brand new furniture! 🙂