“Hey, Jane! How’s it going?”
“Huh? What?”
“I asked how it was going for you. I haven’t heard back from you in a while!”
“Oh. I’m fine.”
“Cool. So, I didn’t see you at volleyball tryouts yesterday. Aren’t you going to try out? You’re our best player!”
“No, I’m not. I suck. Everyone is better than me.”
“That’s crazy! You’re the best!”
“Whatever. I’m not playing this year.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, do you want to hang out this weekend?”
“Can’t. Grounded. Bad grades.”
“Oh. Okay. Hey, are you okay? You don’t look well. You look sad.”
“I’m not sleeping well. But who cares. I don’t matter.”
“What?? I care!!”
“Yeah, well, good for you. I have to go.”
“Jane? Wait a sec – don’t leave…”
“What?”
“Do you feel like you are going to hurt yourself?”
“……No. Gotta go.”
“Alright. I’ll call you!……I should tell coach, or maybe the guidance counselor about Jane….”
The last job I had in the field of Mental Health was that of a Safe School Specialist. I would respond to schools in crisis. Most of the time I was responding to a school to provide support to students after the death of a fellow classmate.
I responded with another Safe School Specialist. And it was after one high school had three suicides in one school year my co-worker and I decided to try to be more pro-active in our response. We started performing role plays like the one above. What does a depressed peer look like? How can you help? What could you do if you are concerned?
And it’s okay to ask the hard question – “Do you think you are going to hurt yourself?”
It was because of my work in Mental Health that I saw Catelyn was depressed. She had withdrawn into her room. She stopped talking. She had bouts that fluctuated between anger and tears until she lost all emotion.
It was like she gave up.
I took her in for help and she was diagnosed. Not with depression, but with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
And as she was supported and understood, her sadness lifted. She began to participate in her life again.
Right now, in my kid’s school district, there have been 4 suicides in eleven months.
That is a staggering number.
I know there must be responders available to support the students and to answer all their hard questions. To give them the same information, the same signs, that my co-worker and I had tried to demonstrate in those role plays all those years ago.
I read in this article that:
The third leading cause of death among teens is suicide caused by untreated or undertreated depression.
§ The average age of depression onset is 14 years old.
§ By the end of their teen years, 20 percent of teens will have had depression.
But what about our children and friends on the spectrum?
According to the article I found here from Autism Parenting Magazine, this statistic increases to almost 60 percent in people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
Picking up on the signs of depression can be hard if you do not know what you are looking for.
But, the signs of depression also may look slightly different for those with ASD. I thought it was great that this article lists the following characteristics of depression for those on the spectrum.
· More severe or frequent repetitive/compulsive behavior
· Have or have more tantrums, aggressive behavior or showing signs of intense frustration
· Be more agitated than normal
· Begin hurting themselves (or more often) such as hair pulling or hand-biting
· Find it harder to do everyday things in different environments
· Seem to be obsessed with death or talk about suicide
· Becoming more withdrawn than usual
· Having trouble sleeping
The article talks about the benefits of adapted psychotherapy for those that are depressed on the spectrum. Since talk therapy may not be best suited for children with autism, therapy focused on the behavioral components has been found useful.
And from our experience, I can attest that psychotherapy was a benefit for Catelyn.
Looking out for the mental health of our children is as important as monitoring their physical health. The articles linked in this post provide more information about teen depression and depression for those with autism. Please check them out for more information.
It’s best to start treating depression early on. My parents didn’t do that… mostly because my grandmother died in an asylum and my father assumed the same would happen to me if I saw a mental health professional.
Oddly enough, he committed himself to one for a two week visit after getting assurances from my mother that he could leave whenever he wanted to…
I agree. I am glad that there is less of a stigma for getting help these days, but I believe there is still a long way to go.
I experienced this with one of my older kids. Very scary. They have super high anxiety and depression. They refuse to take medication. I try to stay in contact with them daily, since we live in different cities now. They are in their 20’s.
Oh wow, that is scary. Glad you stay in daily contact!
I can’t believe those numbers of suicides it’s heartbreaking.
I agree – so heartbreaking.
I went through my first episode of severe depression at 15. It went completely unnoticed by my parents.
Both of my daughters have lost friends to suicide.
Mental health stigma is still too prevalent. I think people should have yearly mental health check up like physical health check up.
Some autistic people don’t even recognize they are depressed. It’s especially important for support people to be aware of the signs if their autistic friend/family member has trouble recognizing their own emotions.
Great post! Thank you! 💌💌
I completely agree with the yearly mental health check up. I used to have a professor that would preach that to us students. Thank you! 🙂
We’ve had two failing rounds of therapy with our son because he simply won’t talk with the therapist. In the second case, it was with a child psychologist who assured us that it wasn’t necessary for a conversation to occur for our child to benefit from it. Three months later, the psychologist dropped us, because as he said “I just sit in my office and catch up on my billing while your son watches me.” This was at $100 per hour. Therapy needs to happen, but we can’t figure out how to make it work. I looked at the article, but it wasn’t specific enough. Any ideas?
That makes me really sad – and mad. Even if he wouldn’t talk, that was still his hour. I would have hoped the psychologist would have tried to engage with him in some way – play a game, listen to music – something to generate any conversation – not sit there and do his billing. When Cate went she always came home with a lot of worksheets she had done during her session. So she wasn’t always talking, she was writing or drawing which both she enjoys. I don’t know, Jeff. You said you have tried therapy a couple of times for him and it didn’t work. I’d like to think he just hasn’t found the right connection. But maybe it is the setting itself that causes him to just shut down. Would he be willing to consider something like art therapy or music therapy? My best friend is a music therapist and so I have read through her material the benefits of making music or writing lyrics with a therapist to alleviate stress or work through some emotions. Or would he be willing to try again with someone if he got to pick who and where? I don’t know – just trying to brainstorm some ideas.
Music therapy is a good idea. He plays guitar and drums. We’re likely to jump back into this because his med management doc seems like he’ll require it. He’s matured a lot recently, hopefully thing will be different. I wonder if there’s any music therapy in g-burg.
Oh, great! I hope you find one – my friend goes to her clients houses. The back of her car is loaded with different instruments depending on the age of the person she is working with – like log drums for smaller kids. My fingers are crossed for you! Good luck!
It is so sad. Both my best friend’s sons are depressed. One often saying that he doesn’t want to be here.
Oh my gosh, that is so sad – I hope they find someone to connect with!
One is a drinker, and the other hooked on prescribed medications.
When our son was first spectrum diagnosed potential depression was never mentioned. Again it was left up to the parents to find these things out. We managed to get access to Clinical Psychology but this again never looked at Depression. It was only after his mum died that we got access to counselling services. This initially was just bereavement counselling but has now been extended to help with depression. As our son has got older he has started to understand his diagnosis better, if anything the realisation that he is different has increased the severity of his depressive episodes. Just talking helps. Bouncing on his trampoline helps. Finding techniques and routines which help identify his anxieties for himself have helped. Losing himself in a Spongebob episode helps. Unfortunately school does not help.
You know, I don’t know if I would have thought of the connection between autism and depression either. And I have thought the same for Declan – that once he realizes that he is “different” that he will become depressed – because the last thing he wants is to be different or to stand out in anyway – he tries so hard to blend. You are right – he has so many things he does each day to help him feel better – I hope he just continues to do those things to feel good.
Declan’s got a great family to help him. With our son it’s a double edged sword. He wants to blend in, but when he needs help he won’t ask, but he then gets depressed that he cant do as well as he should.
That is a double edged sword – so hard!
I have been saddened in the last months by the suicides of many young people who are connected to someone I know. A year or so ago, I spoke with a young adult on the spectrum who shared that he had experienced depression in middle school, but that his teachers did not recognize the signs because they were so focused on what he called the “narrow diagnosis” of autism. He feels that some of the emotional difficulties he had in his late teens and early twenties might not have been as severe if treatment had been available to him in his early teens. It was an eye opening conversation for me. As a retired elementary educator it causes me to reflect on some of my former students on the spectrum and wonder if my focus was too “narrow.”
I agree – I have been saddened too. That conversation would have been eye opening to me as well. I have often thought that some of the professionals who were working with my kids were working with the limited details of autism that they have understood – and so much has changed even in the past ten years. He was willing to open up to you about his experiences – I think he trusted you!
Robyn, I had some very similar experiences in my work in mental health at schools. After a suicide, it becomes like a gas on simmering coals. Random thoughts turn to ideas, ideas into obsessions, obsessions into actions. You are spot on in your post!
Thank you so much, Jeff!
I have depression and Autism and I try hard now to figure out the triggers of my depression to make sure that if the trigger is linked to my autism and work out ways to support myself
Do check out my poem about depression 🙂
Will do!
Thanks !
My daughter Kelley has been sent to the local ER twice in the recent past. On one of these visits, she was admitted to the hospital psych ward during thanksgiving week. The first time, Kelley was sent by her GP as a result of a normal depression screening during a check-up. The second time, her therapist’s office actually called for police to escort us to the hospital. Both incidents were initiated from normally scheduled medical appointments. So, if you are see the signs of depression, do not shy away from seeking professional treatment before the depression gets a chance to escalate. Depending on the situation, seek immediate and/or long-term help. Those on the spectrum may not be able to identify depression in themselves, or they may not communicate their situation adequately. So, be alert to the signs. By the way, Kelley is feeling much better now, so happy ending.
It is really important to seek help right away – thanks for pointing that out. I am so glad she is feeling much better! Very happy ending!
Very well written, Being a psychologist can understand this completely . Thanks 🙏
Thank you!
Good morning Robyn,
Good informative post! There could never be enough information related to the subject. The subject hits me especially as I have two sons with autism. I worry as they get older because I know the struggle is tough. I’m gonna share the post because awareness is good.
Thank you again for sharing,
Matt
Thank you so much! Yes, I agree – as our kids age they are faced with so many more issues. It is great to know the signs of depression in our children with autism so we can support them. Thanks for reading and sharing!
Hello. I’ve started an Autism Awareness blog and I was wondering if you had any feedback. I only started it recently, however I have had different blogs in the past. I’d appreciate it if you could check out my blogs. Thanks. Also, I found your blog very interesting. I’m looking forward to reading more
Hello. I’ve started an Autism Awareness blog and I was wondering if you had any feedback. I only started it recently, however I have had different blogs in the past. I’d appreciate it if you could check out my blogs. Thanks.