“How does Declan play with toys?”
“Declan doesn’t play with toys.”
“At all? What would happen if you tried to play toys with him.”
“Well,” I started, pointing to a group of play structures in our basement, “a couple of months ago I brought that Fisher Price garage out with some cars and tried to get Declan to sit with me to play with it. Instead he picked it up, hit me in the head with it and ran off.”
“Have you played with him since?”
“Not really. My attempts at play have always ended the same way. Me getting hurt, so I stopped trying.”
Declan was two, and I was meeting one of his instructional aides for the first time.
Two year old Declan never sat. Two year old Declan also never played with toys or watched TV.
Two year old Declan was a burst of non-stop energy, completely misdirected.
His workers came into the house and encouraged me to go to the one place I was hesitant to be with Declan.
They wanted me to sit on the floor with him.
I did. Yes, he continued to hit. But I learned what aggression was purposeful, how to redirect it, and what other behaviors were simply sensory seeking.
A host of sensory activities were put out around the floor. And here’s the most important thing – I was taught to follow his lead. To play as he directed.
My bouncing ball of energy, that flailed wildly around the house, stopped to engage with the materials on the floor. I engaged with the materials with him. And he began interacting with me, and his workers, in a play setting.
He was captivated by play!
Turns out, over time, I realized I really am the best playmate.
As Declan aged I was always by his side. At one of his siblings sporting events, at the playground or at a family event. He saw me as his playmate. He told me what we were going to play – and I played!
Declan still doesn’t play with toys. He has always been into make believe. And I can be one pretty gnarly bad guy to his good guy.
From a time when Declan lost his speech, he engaged with me on the floor through sensory play. He engaged with his workers. He interacted. He was playing! And he started to build the skills he uses to communicate.
Autism Parenting Magazine provided me this infographic on the subject. If you click on the infographic you will be taken to the Autism Parenting Magazine blog to learn more about DIR floor time benefits for social learning.
That is an extreme to put a parent through, being in charge of a child’s plat time!
Yes, it is just a little different. Withmy big two kids, they had interests – Bobby loved Thomas the train and Catelyn loved princesses. They just developed their own play and I could jump in. Declan never had any interests. But he had ten times more energy than the first two. Getting on the floor with him with a bunch of sensory toys was really eye opening (and helpful!)
Thank you for this. Again it’s new to me. Wish I had this a few years back – I think it would have really helped. I think we just bumbled through this stage. I became his default playmate because he socially struggled so much. When his play developed it was often related to TV shows he had seen. I think the shows Deadly 60, Spingebob and Dinosaur Train were his real play developers.
I was blessed to have the workers I did for Declan. They taught me so much and helped me help him. My two big kids had their own interests – Bobby loved Thomas the Train and Catelyn loved princesses – so they just played and I could just jump in. Declan never had those interests – but he had 10 times their energy. It was great to find ways to connect with him. I know what you mean. Declan tells me I am his best friend and I think it does have a lot to do with me being his playmate everywhere we go. I am hopeful our time together will help him springboard into some socializing – we will see!