“Oh my gosh, it’s him!” I whispered to myself as the man pushed the large trash cart towards the “employees only” doors.
As the doors flapped behind the man and his cart, I looked at Declan. We were seated at the edge of the mall food court area, Declan happily munching with a nugget in one hand and my phone airing a favorite You Tube video, connected to the headphones he was wearing, in the other.
“Wow, how things have changed,” I thought out loud and continued to people watch while Declan ate his lunch.
Five years ago, Declan would have the hardest time going into any grocery store or Target. Our trips would end with him having a meltdown, like I described in my post The Storm.
If I could somehow get Declan out of the store before we reached the breaking point, it still required a lot of wrestling to keep him safe. And once I could get him safely locked into his car seat in the car, I would inevitably lose my marbles and there were lots of tears.
These trip endings were big. And bad. And very loud.
The man I saw at the food court, pushing his large trash cart was familiar to me. His image will forever be in my brain.
He’s the guy that escorted Declan and I out of Target when Declan was having a meltdown. And I was trying to get him safely to the car.
I must point out, we were not being asked to leave the store. The man was genuinely concerned over Declan’s safety.
And I saw him again, at the mall. Different job, same man. And Declan, in the mall eating with his headphones– different time and place, same child. Wow, how things had changed!
And so you might ask, “why the heck would you take him to the store when he had those reactions, Robyn?”
And I would answer, “I didn’t know he had autism and didn’t know anything about sensory issues. I had two older kids that never had issues like this when it came to going to the store.”
I was clueless.
Five years later, here we are. I can look back and see what I didn’t know or understand before.
And I continue to look at, or (preferably read) things about autism to learn what I didn’t know five years ago.
Temple Grandin is one I go to often. And really enjoyed this video.
(If you are unfamiliar with Temple Grandin, she is a famous spokesperson for autism as a person with autism. She is a professor of Animal Science at Colorado State University – and in this video the excerpt states “Grandin discusses the value of early intervention in autism, and about medications. Other topics include her sensory sensitivities and how she manages them, how she and other autistic people think, and social relationships and careers.” If you want to read more about Temple Grandin, her Wiki page can be found here).
And it was when I was watching this Temple Grandin video that I was thinking, “Why didn’t I watch this 5 years ago!”
When you get to minute 7:37, she states “One way you can figure out how sensitive the sensitivities are is to ask, what happens at Wal-Mart? If every time you go to Wal-Mart there’s a screaming fit than you’ve got very severe sensory problems.”
Was she watching our outings? Nail on the head.
I can tell you now that Declan has extreme sensory problems. I didn’t know it then.
I didn’t know much about autism then. And I didn’t know anything about Temple Grandin – I can’t say I had even heard her name at that time.
But I look now and understand more. I find this whole video very interesting.
And now I know. That a kid having a temper tantrum in the store may not be upset because he didn’t get the toy he wanted.
He may actually be having a severe sensory reaction to the lights, sounds and smells around him – just like Declan did!
When the munchkin was Declan’s age he also had sensory sensitivities. His had more to do with sounds than lights (he would put his hands over his ears) and instead of having meltdowns he would just take off running. I think he has grown out of some of this or is better able to handle it now that he is older.
That’s interesting – Declan doesn’t have as many meltdowns these days but has taken to running away from me as well. No matter how busy or public a place which has scared me. Good to know that this behavior may fade as well!
Some shops in the uk have started doing autism friendly hours. Lights are dimmed and the music is off and it’s not busy. It’s a start at least and will hopefully catch on. The shoe shop does them so hopefully this year shopping for school shoes may be a tiny bit easier.
That’s wonderful! Wow, really cool!
A good reminder not to be judgmental when a kid is losing it at the store.It’s so easy to just think the parent is out of touch with the kid’s feelings or the kid is a brat. I totally understand feeling overwhelmed in stores. I can keep my act together, but I can stare right at an item on a grocery store shelf for two minutes and not see it. Stores overload the senses, no two ways about it. Great post.
Right on! Thanks Jeff!
Love Temple Grandin and how much she has done for awareness of what really happens when certain behaviours occur.
I agree! Me too!
I would have never seen anything about Temple Grandin if you hadn’t wrote about her before! Learned a lot from her personal achievements and her life story so far.
Makes me wonder how many children I have written off as spoiled brats throwing temper tantrums in public places might have actually been innocent autistic kids who hadn’t been diagnosed yet?
I know! I agree. That is what is so interesting to me as well – especially since they didn’t add the sensory piece to the autism diagnostic criteria until recently! Really eye opening.
Knowledge makes things more manageable, I’ve said it before and I’m saying it again, I really admire you Robyn. Life seems to becoming a little easier for you, let’s hope it continues 😉
Thank you, Elaine! 🙂
Love Temple – she’s amazing. I think it’s great that they’ve added sensory issues to the ASD diagnosis, because so many kids have it.
I agree!
The same bright aisles and vivid colors and images that make people want to shop more also overload the senses. My boys could make it through the store okay, but the stress-crying later that day was inevitable…
That’s interesting! I never thought about that. Declan always had a problem in the store. My other two have sensory issues as well, but never had those extreme reactions in the store. But they were always a handful and I am wondering now if they were having a similar reaction to the stress of stores after the fact. Thanks for sharing!
As someone trying to spread awareness but not having a child with autism, I zeroed in on the man who helped you and Declan. I have thought about what responsibilities “autism awareness” carries for me. I once offered to help someone in line ahead of me by pushing her cart so she could take care of her child. My offer was turned down. I helplessly watched her struggle while I completed my purchase and headed to my car. I wondered if she was embarrassed or if I worded my offer incorrectly. Thanks for your post.
My shopping trip that day was one where I had to leave the cart with all of the items I wanted to purchase in the store and get out. The guy didn’t ask me for help he just had his hands out in case I lost my grip on Declan as he was wrestling me and might have fallen to the ground. I think it is great that you asked. I might have had a hard time accepting help – I would just feel bad for you although you were clearly doing it to help. It is tough, but I would keep trying!