“What did we do to deserve this,” I sobbed as I scrubbed at another episode of smearing in the carpet.
I was abruptly taken from my moment of self-pity when I heard a crash.
I came running downstairs into the kitchen. Declan quickly jumped off the stove and ran. There were snacks dumped all over the floor from the cupboard above the stove.
In obtaining the snacks, he had pulled the stove hood down, and it swayed by a wire from the commotion.
Each step I took I crunched on chips and pretzels. I walked closer to observe the stove hood damage.
When I reached my goal, I couldn’t even see. My eyes had welled up and I let my head sink to my hands for mighty sobs.
I had so much to clean up and try to repair. But where was Declan? If I didn’t find him quickly, I would have another disaster on my hands.
“No one understands what we go through…..” I thought. Which always led to,
“Will this chaos ever end?!”
Declan never slept, so I never slept. Declan was too much to handle in the community. If we went anywhere it took 2 people on constant vigilance. The safest place for him was locked in our autism proofed house.
We were isolated. We were alone.
And I was losing my mind.
I don’t know how I survived those years. I cried every day. Fully sleep deprived and on constant vigilance.
I tried to explain to my husband – if he got frustrated at work he could get up, go walk around, go talk to a co-worker. Maybe he would go down to the café and get a drink.
I had no breaks. I was trying my best to stay one step ahead of Declan, but most of the time, cleaning up messes and always steps behind.
And nothing hurt more than, while living in the world I was living, having an unsupportive friend or relative roll their eyes at autism and/or make a minimizing statement like, “he’s fine.”
Thankfully, Declan got involved in a supportive learning environment. And he has grown so, so much. I am truly amazed and feel blessed.
I look back at those very bad years and shudder. I would never wish any of those hard days on anyone.
As things slowly got better, I found my voice. And found I spoke better with my written words.
My Blogging Anniversary!
Last week I was notified that I have been blogging for one year.
One year ago, I made the decision to turn to the blogging community to share my story.
My story is an autism story. And I have met a lot of wonderful autism families out there walking the same path. I love the understanding, support and sharing we provide each other.
I love sharing in another blogger’s journey’s. The story they came to the blogging world to share.
And I love the bloggers who blog beautiful art. In words and pictures.
I am very thankful for all who stop by to read. I enjoy writing our autism story. In informational pieces as well as family stories. And I thank you for sharing in our autism journey.
When I look back through this years posts, a few favorites stand out I would like to share again.
About High-Functioning Autism:
A couple of older Declan stories that I still love to read:
A post I plan to expand at a later date that holds a lot of interest:
About the autism family and one great brother:
And of course:
Being Wrong Never Felt so Good – A story about a couple of boys surprised me at a playground with their inclusive water bottle flip game
Thank you so much for reading. I plan to pursue this blog for another year and look forward to sharing more of our autism story!