The Evolution of a Runner

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This morning I woke up, looked at the clock and saw it was 4:00 AM.

I gave a big sigh, rolled over and fell back asleep.

Today was the Philadelphia Rock N Roll Half Marathon.  For the first time in seven years, although I was registered, I didn’t run the half.

For the past seven years I woke up at 4:00 AM on this day and started prepping for the race ahead.  But not today.

I could blame my lack of attendance on injury.  A pain in my left foot has emerged over the past few weeks.  And at the end of an eleven-mile run on Friday, the pain became a swelling that demanded to be reckoned with.

Or the kid’s schedules.  Another Sunday equals another day of soccer games, basketball games and for Declan, High-5 soccer.

And honestly, out of all the races I do, the Rock N Roll is my least favorite.  It is always so humid.  I push through in weather that drains me, feeling awful.  I don’t give myself the lax I should when it comes to running in humidity.  Instead I beat myself up.  If I trained or prepared better, my run should be easier.

Or my biggest point of disgruntlement – having to drive downtown to center city and pick up my bib in person.  In years past, my husband, who works just a few blocks from the expo, was able to retrieve my bib without issue.  Last year a new rule was instituted.  And I found my white knuckles on the steering wheel driving through honking cars and pedestrians.  I showed my ID to a worker who didn’t even look at it and was given my bib.  My husband and I had planned to have lunch since I was downtown, but after a quick sprint through the chaos of Reading Terminal Market, and no food later, I opted for what I wanted most.

“I just want to get out of here.”

I put my bib on the passenger seat, paid $27 for parking and worked my way through the honking cars and pedestrian traffic of the city.  Knowing I never wanted to do that again.

This year, I let the negatives pull me down.  I chose not to drive through the busy city instead of the satisfaction of finishing another race.  I chose foot pampering over another medal.  I chose to stand in the heat on the sidelines of soccer instead of my purple sweaty racing face.

I have run through injury before.  Hot, sweaty and hobbling with horrible plantar fasciitis.

I could have made the kids schedule work.

I could push through the heat – one more time.

Seven years ago, I would have just accepted my fate that I would have to drive downtown to retrieve my bib.  All I would be thinking about was my excitement for the race ahead.

This year, I didn’t feel the excitement.

What’s happening to me?

I, who has defined myself as a runner, have always been excited for race day.  I used to have a whole blog dedicated to running and racing!

Am I going through an evolution?  The evolution of a runner?  Is there one?

I still run a lot.

But the idea of racing just drains me.  And I’m talking really, just the idea – the thought – nothing else.

I’m slower than I was when I started.  I push so hard to stand on common ground.  I just don’t want to do it anymore.

I want to stand on a new ground.  The ground that accepts the phrase, “I love to run” and could care less what the clock says.

Problem is, I feel like I have been saying this for years.  So, today I took a new approach.  I didn’t show up.

I don’t know where this evolution ends.

Maybe when the cooler temps come I’ll find I run faster, happier.  Maybe I’ll want to race again.

Maybe at that race I’ll want to push it.  Maybe I won’t.  And I’ll be okay with that.

Maybe I’ll just stick to my own runs.

Where my running will go, I don’t know.  But I do know one thing for certain.

If I can, I will always be running.

28 thoughts on “The Evolution of a Runner

  1. I think you made the right decision by staying in bed. If it’s not fun, if you’re not excited to do it, then it’s a chore not a joy. Life gives us enough chores, we certainly dont need to let something we love become a chore.

    Keep your joy, get a little extra sleep and ditch the stress. Seems like a triple win to me.🏅🏆🥇

    1. *Sigh* It’s true. I thought I could escape the whole “age will effect your running(and everything else)” thing. It caught up with me. That is what I would like to focus on now too – enjoyment.

  2. I remember a great old coach telling me to listen to your body first and always. If it’s telling you to stay in bed then stay. If your not sure then get up make a drink, then decide. I played sport, climbed and ran through injuries – that’s probably why I’ve struggled this year. Maybe you need a brake from running. What about trying something completely different for a few months then go back to running. I’ve done that before when my times started to collapse. I’ve always found that when I started running again my times improved again. Plus I fell in love with running again. I really hope you find that love again and those times. I can tell how much it means to you.

    1. Spot on. I have pushed through so many injuries and so many “I don’t feel like running today” days. I rarely take a day off. Taking a break may be exactly what the doctor ordered.

  3. If you didn’t enjoy it last year, your wouldn’t have given your best, knowing that you didn’t want to be there. Choose one that you love to do, and wait for that. You are an athelete, and will continue to enjoy it. Look at it as a new chapter, of choice, and you will be fine.

  4. Fear not, Robyn. Your choice of the word ‘evolution’ is spot on. It sounds to me as though you’re just evolving and changing, as we all do with the passing of time. We all evolve over time, including our approach and involvement in our own interests. Our perceptions, dreams and priorities change. It’s inevitable. The main thing is you still love running, but seven years is a long time ago, and it’s a long time to have done the same thing with the same attitude every year. I’m not surprised you’re not so bothered about racing now, especially with a painful foot. As you know, I’m passionate about the Middle Ages and castles, but even within that, my focus on particular areas of interest within the medieval has evolved, with some aspects developing or shifting, and in discovering new areas for exploration. It constantly changes, and I look at it as a journey of discovery. What you’re going through sounds much the same. I think as long as the basic love is still there, how you engage with it is bound to change over time – it’s normal and healthy. We evolve as people as we go through life, and so will our interests and hobbies. So enjoy your running, however you choose to engage with it now. Just do what feels right. 🙂
    And I hope your foot feels much better now. 🙂 <3

    1. Thank you so much, Alli! I really like that – a journey of discovery. It is very much the same. I really don’t want to do that race anymore but maybe I will find my interest change to a different venue. Thanks Alli!

      1. No worries, Robyn. I’m sure you’ll find your feet (if you’ll excuse the pun!) and settle into a whole new direction to run in (if you’ll excuse a second pun!). Wherever it takes you, embrace it and enjoy it. 🙂

  5. You already know from what I do in my clinic why I loved this post.

    Great insight into your consciousness.

    It’s really interesting…because…I find this in most people with a performance background like yourself.

    Even more interesting…is…I find the complete opposite in those who have been sedentary until 40/50/60…and…as a result have had to have operations/suffered serious injuries/weaknesses etc etc

    I tried to comment…but…realised I couldn’t.

    It’s such a deep…varied topic in my experience…that I’d be waffling all over your comment box 😂

    Just wanted to say…that…I really really appreciate you writing this.

    It’s not often people are so open.

    When you start working with and treating somebody….it can be difficult at first.

    A lot of the time…the story…the picture told on day 1…is completely different to that told a month down the line.

    You’ll ask somebody if they’ve ever had any previous injuries…to which…they’ll say no.

    month later they’ll casually drop in a story about “That time I broke my leg” 😂

    It’s nice to be able to get straight to the point…which is most definitely what I have received here.

    It’s a topic that fascinates me.

    To hear your personal inner story on it all…was absolutely fantastic!

    Helped me lots in trying to put this conundrum into words.

    Massively helps me for work!

    The swelling on your foot and the way it is at the moment…as you know…is a nervous system response.

    Subconsciously your body should warn you against doing the run if it’s operating properly (As long as it’s not a run for your life😂)

    The other thing is…you’ve earned your stripes.

    A lot of the answer I feel is found within those stripes.

    Perhaps we will take this conversation further one day and finally solve it!

    Until then…

    Have the best day ever Robyn👊✌️❤️

    1. Thank you, Lee! That is funny 🙂 At my gym whenever a new trainer starts and asks about my personal Injury/pain profile I feel like I keep them there for a week listening to all my issues 🙂 And I did run through a lot of things I shouldn’t have. This time I really think I should just rest my foot AND my mind – come back with a fresh mindset and be pain free. Thanks again, Lee! Hope you are having a great day!

      1. haha…always better to give more than less!

        Most definitely…I agree.

        Rest in your case most definitely brings homeostasis.

        What other things do you do other than running out of interest?

        You know me Roybn…I’m taking on the world and loving life.

        Hope it’s been the best one ever!

        1. I go to a gym for a strength training class M-F. Kettlebell, barbell stuff – although I stick with the kettlebell workouts really. I really like it!

  6. Plantar fasciitis put a huge crimp on my running. And, as other commenters said, we’re getting old. 🙂

    Maybe try other places to run, like clubs or fun runs? I’m more partial to interesting places than distance, myself. I like running, but also running through pretty areas.

    1. I have always been a distance pusher but think it may be time to switch it up like your saying. I was thinking trail running – I don’t know. Something new is in order though.

      1. I think so! There are even crazy races like ones where you eat donuts and then run, but that would make me sick.

  7. Well done on making what sounds like was a tough decision for you. Racing every week can be tough, especially if you are running with an injury. Rest days are essential for recovery. South Africa is a running mad country and Monday is seen as a rest day for most of the running fraternity. And the one thing that I don’t regret now that my daughter is at college are the times that I stood by the sidelines to watch her play school sport. Those are such happy memories now!

    1. I think so too. I just did a trail race this weekend, and it was fun. It was easier to see a slower time because it was trail. But some of my training runs before and after – my mind (and I guess my heart) just wasn’t in them. Which is weird for me. I’ve started focusing on strength training and taking some classes at a gym. I like them. I really need to tell myself to take a running break, at least stop running every day – because the race was fun, I know I still love doing those, but I have pushed too much for too long. Good luck to you too in your running journey!

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