Once, when I was younger, my dad watched me repeatedly mill from the TV room to the kitchen in search for something to eat. After a bit he made a careful observation:
“You’re not hungry. You just ate. You’re only eating again because you’re bored.”
I’m sure I had a tart reply as I was still in the “I know everything” stage of teendom, but it was a statement that has stuck with me through the years to be more mindful of my eating.
Years later, when I was on my honeymoon in Hawaii the Hawaiian giving the tour Bob and I were on informed us, “Hawaiian’s don’t stop eating when they’re full. They stop eating when the food stops bringing them pleasure.”
THAT was a mindset I could relate to.
I have to say in my forty some odd years I have spent WAY too much time thinking about food. Pregnancies, weight gain, weight loss, weight battles, diets, elimination eating. All thoughts vacillating between these two ideas. Mindful eating versus eating for pleasure.
I carried these ideas into parenthood. I wanted (still do) to raise mindful eaters.
I think I did a pretty good job when the kids were younger. Fruits, vegetables, set mealtimes.
Then Declan came along and threw me for a loop.
If he wasn’t hungry at mealtime, he wouldn’t eat. If he didn’t like the food, he wouldn’t eat. And once the highchair was gone, so was Declan from the dining table. Declan never sat and became a grazer. When he was hungry, he ate and even began to feed himself.
When it first started happening, I thought it was funny. I realized he was using the kitchen drawers as stairs to get to food he wanted in upper cupboards. EVERYTHING was starting to happen when he was 18-24 months of age. Notice the knife block is still there.
And then it wasn’t.
I ended up having to find a lock for the refrigerator.
And discovered even hiding candy on top of the fridge would not suffice.
Realizing there was no limit to what Declan would do to get to food he wanted I started just putting snacks on the table. Snacks I knew Declan liked and were okay for him to eat and safe to get to. Apples, oranges, pretzels, popcorn, bananas.
Through the years, we have set limits on food, times he can eat hot food (none after 8PM) and have a breakfast, packed lunch, dinner routine. Still, Declan continues to graze. I’ve realized, though, not only is Declan grazing when he is hungry for a snack. He’s grazing when he’s not. He is compulsively overeating. No longer is he eating a pretzel, in the course of a few hours he’s eating the whole bag.
He’s not doing it on purpose. Declan isn’t even focused on his eating. He continues to move from room to room watching YouTube videos on his device. All the while, keeping his mouth moving.
When I began to limit the snacks I was leaving on the table, I found Declan in the garage, watching his device, eating all the bags of snacks for school lunches.
Unfazed by my shock, Declan simply shrugged. “What? I’m hungry.”
Bored? Maybe in a completely cyber “zone” way. Is the food giving him pleasure still? Maybe, but maybe in a different way.
Maybe the constant chewing is pleasing in a sensory way. So, I began placing his Chewy Tubes around his trampoline and the kitchen table. They helped some. But as Declan mindlessly walks from room to room with his device, he mindlessly puts down his chewy tube. They’ve proven difficult to keep track of. And off to the table, or garage, or hidden stash in closest, he goes again.
Declan has all the issues I talked about in my post Weight Gain Concerns for Children with Autism. Declan has unhealthy eating patterns, motor and social impairments, a love for screen time, a lack of interest in physical activity and is a compulsive overeater. Further, the extra weight he is carrying now is likely to be with him into adulthood if we can’t break these patterns now.
Knowing Declan will just leap to the highest mountain for a snack, I need to find safe ways to make healthy ones, or chewy tubes, available. But I also need to keep the amount of food available limited as well. Trying to help Declan become a mindful eater has been a challenge. A challenge we will continue to work on.
Isobelle chews, but barely eats. She is taller than her mother, and extremely thin.
That’s my Catelyn. Thinnest person in this house, barely eats as everything is “gross.” She’s not taller than me yet, though. Yet.
Anytime they eat out, she can’t eat anything. It was were sister’s 18th birthday, and they went to a really posh place. Not one bite.
Although given the opportunity to feed herself, she would eat McDonald’s chicken nuggets and french fries everyday and gain some bad weight.
Really. Isobelle will eat pasta at home. She forgets to eat at school, when she can attend
Son is constantly eating but never puts weight on. He can often be underweight to the extent the doctor told him to eat chocolate any time he wants… I look at a chocolate and put weight on. But this underweight was put down to him constantly being in motion and moving.
For the longest time when Declan was younger I felt the same – he was moving ALL the time. Now I find him sitting watching YouTube more often than not. Although there is still a lot of trampoline jumping, there must not be enough to counter all that he eats. I’ve heard this overeating concern only a few times from other parents. I am wondering if it is an oral sensory need. When I googled overeating and sensory processing disorder the results lit up. But Declan definitely moves less than his siblings and less than he did when he was younger. Which I think has caused him to gain all this weight.
Well, women like You or my wife are supermothers, I’m sure You choice the best solution.
Thank you so much!!
They have chewy jewelry… would he wear a necklace? Like dogtags maybe?
Ben has put on weight from the meds. He used to be too thin and ate more than me and my daughter. Now he goes through phases where he’s not hungry or he eats everything (on his list of course) he can get his hands on.
I worry about the weight and his restricted diet. He’s still super active. Still running all over the place so that’s good at least.
It’s tough with the sensory issues and the absolute refusal to eat some things. Wishing you luck🤞🙏🍀💌
That is a really good idea. I also thought about getting the flavored ones. Maybe I could find a two in one! I think that would definitely help.
Declan has restricted his own diet, but still just won’t stop eating. I’ve only read about this concern a few times from other parents – I think it is definitely ticking an oral sensory need, Those flavored chewy jewelry may be the big ticket. Declan was so active before, so strong. Not so much anymore.
His diet is so limited too, you’re right. I am surprised he has gained so much weight knowing he is only eating a handful of things. But I guess the saying is true – all in moderation. Thank you! 🙂
Until I read this I never had considered the sensory angle. Will certainly think about it.
Okay, so now I am more worried about myself more than I was before! have an oral taste need. I’m not hungry, just eat because I like a mouth full of tastes. I fight with weight because of it. As winter sets in I eat a lot of mindless food just because I like taste. I can’t imagine adding sensory to my taste need. Wish I had some advice but think maybe I need one of those necklaces, I am, at times, concerned about how I look. Those are the only times I care about trying to restrain myself. Children don’t think of that piece. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to offer him alternatives. Hope you find a successful substitution without too much trouble. You definitely have a lot of moving parts to consider in your life and I admire your tenacity and creativity.
Thank you so much, Debbie! Every time I think I have the food set and limited the right way I find him eating something he found somewhere else. He definitely likes to keep that jaw moving and I guess he too is enjoying all the different tastes. You’re right, he doesn’t think about how he looks. To him, he just figures he’ll wear bigger clothes to fit him, no big deal. Good luck to you too! I know I have been concerned how I look a lot as well. Ugh, I hate the amount of time I think about food and how to get rid of weight.
We had a similar issue….my kiddo attends an afterschool program where they don’t limit available snacks. I started to keep track on a chart, and we set a limit on daily snacks. The visual helped a lot. It limited snack eating, but she had choice and control. We don’t need to use it any longer – but it was really helpful. We also added more check-boxes for fruit and healthy snacks (so visually she knew she could have more healthy items than cookies). It was a bit of work, but we found that mindfulness didn’t happen w/o a visual cue in our house.
Oh, that’s a good idea. This summer Declan went to an overnight camp for a week. We got his menu a month in advance – and I was super excited as his meals were only those 45 minutes. We could pack snacks, and we did because he didn’t half of the stuff on the menu – but having that visual of when meal time was and what he was allowed to eat I think was really helpful. I really should carry that over to the home. Thanks for the tip!
My kids come home from school so hungry, they essentially eat a meal. Then I come home from work hungry and we do eat a meal. My kids get more than half their calories over a couple of hours. I know it’s not a good set up, but still we haven’t done anything to fix it. Maybe reading your post will help.
You know, we do the reverse but still calorie heavy. I feed the kids dinner as soon as they get home from school because of all their sports practices. Then they have snacks later. But Declan doesn’t do sports and will just eat, eat, eat. I know I need to fix something here too. I’ve gotten a couple good ideas here to try out.
I’ve had my own struggles with food/eating, and mindless overeating in the evenings has been the hardest to curb. So many go through life without that support at a young age to guide them towards mindful eating and a healthy relationship with food and their bodies, having a knock-on effect in later years as they fall back on it as a coping mechanism for life. Declan has got one awesome mum to keep an eye out for him and be his guide, though I imagine it’s still a struggle as at the end of the day it’s still his decision where food is concerned, so all you can do is your best. xx
Thank you so much! I was given the lesson but I too have had my struggles with food. Would really like to try and help Declan now make some better food habits. Just gotta keep trying! xx
I had a food compulsion in my early teens. I’d even eat the food in the fridge if my parents specifically told me not to… and I NEVER disobeyed my parents so overtly…
It went away as mysteriously as it came…
Maybe that will happen here, too. Good to know!
Mindful eating is a new concept for me. Very interesting to read about it and Declan’s eating habits through the years. Nathan is a terrible eater, living on peanut butter on toast most of the time. I don’t think he’d know what to do with a vegetable, and even staples like pasta are the enemy. Still, there’s always hope he’ll change as he grows up. But in the meantime, it’s nice to know we’re not alone with food issues! Thanks for sharing this with us, Robyn. 🙂
Declan’s food choices are limited, but when he gets a hold of something he just EATS until the whole container is gone. Even when I hide it and portion his sizes. It’s tough because I don’t think he’s hungry anymore. I agree – always so good to connect with others in the same boat. Thanks, Alli! 🙂
It’s tough, I know, Robyn, and there are no easy answers. If it helps at all, my daughter was an even worse eater than Nathan, and she didn’t start eating anything like healthy food until she started senior school aged 11. She’s not on the spectrum, so at least we know kids of all kinds can be picky and faddy eaters. I think it’s an issue all parents can face, and you’ve done a great thing in highlighting it. Thanks again. 🙂
I bet it’s interesting having a Declan in the house! My Jaiden is a big guy, he will be thirteen next month and I have literally tried to place “healthy” snacks on the table, and countertops just to see if he would eat. So far, just Apple slices peeled with peanut butter on a spoon. Lol I have tried SO many things. Now, I just feel him what I feed everyone else and sometimes he will not even eat 🤨
Apples are a go to here right now too! Although I can’t get Declan near peanut butter. He’s not allergic or anything, it’s just one of “those” foods 🙂 Uggh, that is tough. Declan wouldn’t eat either if I served him something he didn’t like. It’s hard trying to help find the right balance!
I have a 13 year old on the spectrum and he is eating me out of house and home. He’s 5’10” and wears a size 14 shoe. Boy can EAT and he’s so strong if I do put a lock on the fridge he could just hulk it open lol my three year old is also on the spectrum and he won’t eat anything.
You can relate! Yes – my son is still picky but will eat entire containers of things without stopping or feeling full. My daughter is also on the spectrum and she won’t eat anything either. She’s three years older than Declan but wears clothes smaller than his size and weighs about twenty pounds less than him. It’s crazy!
I just love these pictures of Declan. Reminds me of my son. He is a climber. He climbs on top of the breakfast bar or on top of the kitchen counter. I wouldn’t say that he does it for food though. Sometimes he may climb on the kitchen counter to get snacks but for the most part he comes and get me to help him to what he wants. He does eat a lot though. I am actually happy that he is eating . For there was once a time that he only ate pediasure sidekicks and oatmeal.
Thank you! Declan loved to climb stuff too – when he was two (and before he was diagnosed) I got his picture running across the kitchen table. I found one too from a vacation we were on – he was standing on the breakfast bar, watching SpongeBob eating a cinnamon donut. He’s still pretty picky – but once he finds something he loves he eats it ALL. You’re right though – I am glad he’s eating. It’s way better than the alternative.
amazing work